


Now There's No Holding Back

by ViceCaptain



Series: The Ropes have been Unbound [1]
Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: M/M, Post-Season/Series 02, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 16:38:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8021245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViceCaptain/pseuds/ViceCaptain
Summary: What is it that he sees in him? Kieren asked himself that much more than once and everytime he couldn’t come up with a convincing answer, wasn’t that enough of a reason to be with Simon?





	Now There's No Holding Back

**Author's Note:**

> Just ramblings, fueled by my love for the characters, the series, the need to know more and Florence and the Machine. This series was inspired by Howl.

What is it that he sees in him? Kieren asked himself that much more than once and everytime he couldn’t come up with a convincing answer, wasn’t that enough of a reason to be with Simon? It all probably started like that: a mystery that couldn’t be solved. Light and darkness in the same measure, that made him unpredictable and wild.

There’s also that, when he met the other he was so fierce and proud of what he is, something he couldn’t say he was of himself and if he came to accept what he is it’s also thanks to Simon. How many undead had he met that had made of their second life everything that they hadn’t the first time around? The confidence with which he embraced who he is awed him deeply. Of course, all his rambling about prophets and crusades never impressed him. Because he wasn’t like that and Kieren didn’t know how he could tell, but he just knew.

Simon is infuriating, beautiful and kind in his own way, he could only be dragged closer and closer by his need to uncover the mystery and get to see what he has inside himself, his true self, not the disciple, nor the revolutionary, but the damaged and fierce man that loves poetry and plays guitar while he sings.

After Rick, he had needed to look for someone who wasn’t afraid of who he was, and yet he had been able to find someone like that who kept his heart hidden behind a holy writ and the name of a prophet. He guesses he has a type.

Every time he thinks he’s lighting up some of his darkness, he finds out there’s more of it, everytime he’s ready to walk through the shadows he finds light where he didn’t expect it to be. He is left wondering and not knowing, he has to find his way through the other. He had wanted to travel just to do that very thing: find his way. He had thoguht he needed to go away to have it and yet it had found him in Roarton.

But what if finally seeing him being honest and unveiling the mystery that he was is going to mean the end? What if he’s not going to like it? What if the other disappears before he can find out? He is afraid, but it’s okay, he’s ready, he had lived with fear his whole life and as long as there were questions he could strive on. The last time he had found himself alone with all the answers he hated the most, he felt like he had only a way out… and he killed himself.

His fear had become bigger when the second rising came along, he had been afraid that going back to be practically alive could scare away Simon, considering his past. Of course he surprised him again: he embraced it and turned it into something powerful, as everything that regarded him after all. And then he took all that energy and poured it over him.

Kieren had felt almost overwhelmed, too many emotions whirled and twisted inside him, fear and happiness and grief and need. He once had always kept himself back, he couldn’t ever find the courage to make a move on Rick, he didn’t want to impose himself on anyone and the more he risked the more he got hurt, so he closed and curled on himself, asking for nothing so that he couldn’t give away anything, hoping that it could keep the pain away. But it didn’t.

Now he feels and wants and needs, he’s greedy for everything he couldn’t have before, he raises his voice, opens his heart and speaks his mind and somehow it seems to drag Simon closer as if he wants to give and provide just as bad. Not that he ever believed in destiny, but it makes him wonder sometimes.

And that beautiful mystery is just as greedy and hungry, his kisses are consuming and burn his skin, his lips once spoke of holy missions, now they drip sin all over his body and he wants to feel it all. Kieren decides that to see the other open himself he has to do the same, so he reaches a tentative hand, touches his chest and the beat of his heart never will stop to amaze him. He touches and wants to be touched back and it works, Jesus Christ, it works.

Simon is just as wild when it comes to him, launches himself into every sensation, pulling him along eagerly, but patiently, with the same commitment he once gave to his holy mission, his every kiss and bite feels like a step closer to the solution to the mystery and it brings joy but also dread. Kieren can’t focus on it too much, even if he tries, his mouth and hands are too distracting. That is their first time and he’s a virgin, but there’s something to it that feels like they have done it for so long.

It is intense and exposes him like he had never been exposed before, but he’s ready, because for every thing he offers the other gives back just as much, it shelters him as much as it pushes him into the storm, like that time in the graveyard, when Simon protected him with his body, but there was something to him that spoke of a threat as well, then they pulled one another to safety and that had been the moment he decided to offer his back to him completely.

Every movement, every pull and push, every moan and breathless kiss brings them closer to the brink of the precipice, sweet like heaven and hot as hell. They are standing there together, they’re ravenous, both needing so badly to take that final leap, blindly seeking for each other’s pleasure to burn away everything else and let them jump and fall through it.

But it’s never enough, they want it all, the most pleasure they can cause and feel, their warmth and bodies used to share all that they had kept hidden until then. Kieren is not afraid anymore, if he wants to see the other he has to lure him out, Simon is wild and dangerous as a wolf after all, so he gives him all, he’s worth his everything, he lets it go and opens himself… Kieren closes his eyes and jumps over the edge, hoping as he never had hoped in his life, reaching his hand, not afraid to ask for the other to follow, even demanding.

And then there they are: freefalling together, past the passion and past the desire, past the pleasure and need, there’s just them, baring themselves and he’s not alone… there’s only a way out: sinking with the other, but he never had felt so happy to have no choice. Then there’s silence and they are left to put the pieces back together, finding out that the shape of themselves has changed for the better. They look at each other with new eyes and he sees it, now. Sees it all, the mystery is solved right in front of him, smiling down and, god, he loves that beautiful smile, he should smile more, it suits him.

What is it that he sees in the other? Everything, he offered himself and got the other in exchange, he sees right through his light and darkness, through his words and painful memories, he sees the beauty and the kindness, he sees the wildness and the danger. And he hears those words, so honest they hurt sweetly in his chest. Why had he been so scared to get there in the first place? That moment is everything and he offers the only thing he has left.

“I love you too”


End file.
